"Listening to your child is a way to build trust and make your child feel respected and heard. Take time to disconnect from your phone and your computer and be available to listen. You might feel like you are wasting time if your child decides not to share anything specific, but that golden moment when they do share is priceless. What will you discover about your child today?" Retrieved from "Emotion Coaching - The heart of parenting" by John and Julie Gottman.
The quality of the communication between two lovers has a tremendous impact on the emotional health of their relationship. So much so that Dr. Gottman was able to predict, with an accuracy rate of above 90%, which couples would stay together and which ones would end their relationship based on how they managed conflict. However, even if communication is tremendously negative and both people end up frustrated, it seems like there is something that can be done to turn things to
With this freezing cold in Amsterdam, by the end of the day, all we want is to bike home as fast as we can to warm up in the cozyness of our home! Getting home and being received with a warm welcome is something we should not take for granted and should strive to keep in our marriages. Nonetheless, when couples are going through difficult times, they neglect this fundamental aspect. Even if you have been feeling distant from your partner, do ask him/her how was their day? The
There are some misconceptions about couple therapy and how it works. Often, these ideas are rooted in images we kept from movies where couple therapy or counselling was depicted. The mentioned misconceptions range from the role of the psychologist, the theoretical framework used by the psychologist, the role of each partner, the process of therapy itself, and when therapy ends. Let's start by addressing each of these points: 1. What is the role of the therapist in couple ther
Yesterday, I wrote about the way a person initiates a conversation/complaint with their partner impacts how that conversation will end. Today, I would like to talk about the role that the person receiving the message also has on the outcome of conversations. Sometimes, you might feel defensiveness when something is brought up to you. There are a variety of reasons why you might respond this way. You might feel defensive because you feel that your partner was harsh in his/her
The way a discussion starts determines how it will end. Dr. Gottman predicted that the way you bring up an issue to your partner can determine if it will be a pleasant conversation or a boxing contest! It is natural that we are not the best communicators when we have to bring something up to our partner that really bothers us. Often, there has been a period of time where you played out the conversation in your head and it made you feel even more disappointed or angrier! But i
As you sit across the table and chew a piece of the mashed potatoes, you glance over the person sitting in front of you and you wonder, "where did my best friend go?!" Uttering any sort of words would be more painful than sitting in silence... You wish you could vocalize the loneliness that your heart carries and the longing for those moments when you and your partner were best friends. Fear is the only thing preventing you from reaching to your "old friend's" hand across the
The stories that we tell and repeat to ourselves can have an impact on how we retrieve memories. Recently, while in conversation with other mothers, we got into the topic of motherhood in the first year of our babies. As I talked with them, I started remembering that, although challenging, caring for my baby felt like a very natural, organic, and without major anxiety type of experience. Contrary to what I had been told, being a mother and taking care of my baby was an extrem