Not all fights are the same or turn out the same. According to Dr. John Gottman, how a fight starts determines how it will end. Fights with your partner that feel confusing, draining, exhausting or frustrating happen because there are 4 things that creep into your discords that make them go south. Dr. Gottman called them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, because they predict the end of a relationship. They are: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. Thankfully, Dr. Gottman also came up with four things (or antidotes) you can do to counteract the Four Horsemen (see below)!