How to connect with your "true" self?
The society that we live in is one that puts a lot of emphasis on the values of reason, pragmatism and utilitarianism. With this comes the loss of understanding people in all their complexity. People are also beings that need emotions, fantasy, vulnerability. Humans have a deep need for connection with themselves; to live in its most natural and pure state, without defences but spontaneously. Our "true" self is like a child: curious, wants connection with others, and lives in the present moment, without carrying the regrets from the past nor the pressure of the future. Just being.
We all aspire for a life of serenity and peacefulness. Is that possible? How can one achieve a state of connection with oneself? Being connected with oneself is not about being different from who we are, but more of who we really are. How to get there?:
1. Give up control
As humans, we live in this illusion that we are super powerful beings that can control life. In reality, if we were to disappear tomorrow, life would still carry on as usual. This illusion we live in is the number one trap for a life of disconnection as it creates a lot of anxiety, pressure, anger and disappointment. Accept that you are just another human passing by this journey called life. You have the power to influence events, to a certain extent, but you do not have the power to control them. Don't try to exert control over what you say and how you say it. Live from within and let your true natural, pure and non-defensive self have a voice.
2. Put your fears and insecurities in the hands of a higher power
For many, believing in a higher power is a concept that feels restrictive and too close to religion (i.e., religious control). Believing in a higher power is a spiritual view of humankind. It means believing that there is something out there in the universe that we cannot fully grasp, including the reason of life itself. A higher power can take the form of God, Buddha, Muhammad, Nature, Life, etc. Putting your fears in the hands of something more powerful than you is not about relinquishing responsibility from your own actions and the influence you have over your life. Instead, it is about accepting that you cannot change the course of many life events, and offering those fears and insecurities to a higher power.
3. Choose kindness and self-love
When things don't go our way we tend to feel angry, disappointed or sad. With that comes a lot of self-loathing and criticism. As humans, we seemed to have mastered the art of self-criticism! How often do we treat ourselves with the kindness that we would gladly offer a friend who's feeling sad? Not as often as we could. Choosing to treat yourself with kindness is about counteracting the self-critical inner voice with some words of kindness and encouragement.
4. Connect with yourself
Similarly to any other habit we have in our lives, connecting with ourselves must be another habit. We can argue that we are busy and overworked, but there is always 5 minutes we can take out of our daily routines to take care of ourselves. I will leave you with some examples, but you need to find "that" thing that works for you: journaling, sitting quiet for 5 minutes while looking out the window, taking a few deep breaths, going for a walk, having lunch somewhere else than in front of the computer, going for a run...